Runners-up for top story: a couple of actors, a couple of despots, a beauty queen and a former heavyweight
Runners-up for top story of the month:
Actor Jack Nicholson, 69, reportedly infuriating the producers and co-stars of his latest movie, “The Bucket List,”by staggering into the film’s first read-through almost an hour late, acting belligerent, changing his lines and lighting a cigarette indoors (in California). An observer claimed that Nicholson “refused to take off his sunglasses, cursed and babbled over others as they tried to read their lines…â€
“The Simple Life”costar Nicole Richie, 25, arrested for DUI after being reported for driving the wrong way on the 134 freeway in Burbank, California at 3 a.m. When cops responded, they found Richie stopped in the carpool lane on her cell phone. She admitted to officers she’d smoked pot and taken Vicodin. She previously pled guilty for heroin possession, for which Vicodin is a good substitute (any heroin addict will take Vicodin in a pinch). After three arrests, five car accidents and a stint in rehab, she told reporters, “I’m now, at 24, just learning to deal with my problems instead of concealing them with drugs.”She’s proven to society she’s not just an irritant, but a true danger to those who happen to be in her way. So far, the rest of us have been lucky”but, inevitably, tragedy will occur. Instead of letting her “learn to deal with problems”at society’s risk, why not just put an ankle bracelet on her, require regular testing for other drugs and, should she fail, lock her up for a few months? We’d be doing her”and her potential victims”a favor. Her dad, singer Lionel Richie, agrees”he thinks jail just might do her some good. By the way, Richie appears to be drinking buddies with actress Mary-Kate Olsen and one of last month’s runners-up, actress Lindsay Lohan.
Miss USA Tara Conner, given a “second chance”to keep her title by Miss USA Pageant owner Donald Trump (who may be a prime example of a benign”aka, non-addicted”egomaniac). After testing positive for cocaine and reported boozing up a storm at age 20, Trump ordered her into rehab”for her second time. She was previously booted off her high school cheerleading squad for having vodka, marijuana and boys in her room at the National Cheerleading Competition and was removed from high school for being obviously drunk in class. According to reports, “despite”her partying, she was “determined to hit it big.”Unfortunately, “despite”suggests that heavy drinking (aka alcoholism) and big goals don’t overlap. More accurately: the way in which her body bio-chemically processes alcohol results in power-seeking behaviors, which due to her upbringing and natural good looks has driven her to excel in beauty-based competitions. Coincidentally, Miss Nevada Katie Rees, who was recently photographed as obviously inebriated, admitted on her web site that her major weakness is “partying.â€
Actor Lane Garrison, 26, a co-star of the Fox television drama, “Prison Break,”crashing his Land Rover, killing a 17-year-old boy and injuring two 15-year-old girls who he had just met at a grocery store and accompanied to a party. According to Beverly Hills police, Garrison showed signs of “alcohol intoxication”and “alcohol containers”were found inside his SUV. His attorney, Harland Braun, asserted that Garrison had consumed a single margarita at a Mexican restaurant prior to another “one drink”at the party, while TMZ.com reported that he drank “several shots”of Grey Goose vodka at the party. Inadvertently suggesting Garrison was in an alcoholic blackout, Braun said the actor “doesn’t remember anything about the accident…He thinks he was driving but he can’t swear to it.”Braun represented Susan Conkey Rhea, whose horrific story I recount on page 31 of Get Out of the Way! and later represented actor Robert Blake in the famous murder trial. He also boasts on his web site of representing Steven Segal, Gary Busey and Dennis Rodman, all of whom exhibit numerous indications of having the disease of alcoholism. Garrison, who was reported as “despondent”over the incident, lived with his family minister, Joe Simpson and his two girls, pop stars Ashley and Jessica Simpson, for a year while a teen and credits Mr. Simpson for keeping him out of prison after spending much of his youth stealing everything from cars and stereos to wine.
Former heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson, arrested for DUI and possession of cocaine after almost striking a sheriff’s vehicle outside a Scottsdale, Arizona night club. Need I say more?
Former Iraqi tyrant Saddam Hussein, executed by hanging. One suggested mode of justice would be to require former despots to sit in solitary for ten years, at which time they should be allowed to apologize to their victims before being permitted to take a pistol to their own heads. However, quick execution of tyrants is more satisfying than allowing them to live to ripe old ages without punishment, as Uganda’s Idi Amin and Cambodia’s Pol Pot did. There is little doubt that if Saddam had been allowed to stay in power he would do what he could to obtain nuclear weapons before his arch-enemy Iran”and judging by the fact that he gassed Kurds twice, he might have used them. I was formerly a radically isolationist libertarian, but my studies of the alcoholic mind-set have turned me into a rabid interventionist”albeit, still very libertarian. My solution, briefly, is not to spread democracy into foreign lands so much as free markets: privatize the oil fields, giving shares to every Iraqi citizen. Few people will blow up what is theirs.
Saparmurat Niyazov, aka his self-described moniker, “Turkmenbashi the Great,”dictator of Turkmenistan, dead of a heart attack at age 66. The cult of personality he created is perhaps exceeded only by that of Kim Jong Il of North Korea (see TAR October 2004 for the expose of Kim’s alcoholism). Entire cities, meteorites and months of the year were named after him. Thousands of gold statues were spread across Turkmenistan, a nation of only 5 million on twice the land area of Germany. His image was plastered on currency, carpets and, appropriately, even bottles of vodka.
A BBC World Service journalist, Hamid Ismailov, rhetorically asked in a Wall Street Journal op-ed piece, “What could have possibly produced this sort of man?”His answer: Niyazov was an orphan. Yet one can point to millions of other orphans, Mr. Ismailov, who never develop megalomania. Try this: By pure happenstance, I boarded a chair lift while skiing in Mammoth Lakes, California, with the U.S. ambassador to Azerbaijan, Reno Harnish and his wife. I had time to share the idea that alcoholism-driven megalomania likely drives most of the world’s despots and ask, “What about the head of Turkmenistan?”He didn’t hesitate”absolutely alcoholic, but he said he’d deny ever having met me. Perhaps, Mr. Harnish, now that Niyazov is dead you’ll help the world”and Mr. Ismailov”understand the root of most non-benign egomania.