Can children be effective disenablers? “Dog” the Bounty Hunter, two unknown kids–oh, and Nicole Richie too
Disenablers of the Month:
Good Charlotte rocker Joel Madden, who gaveNicole Richie a “get-help-or-we’re-through” ultimatum after learning she was pregnant. According to a close person, “His tough love saved her life.” Of course, we’ll only know in the fullness of time, but she seems to have a good start for someone who was drinking addictively by age 13, using cocaine at 14, and ingesting an estimated 25 Vicodin and 25 Soma daily over a period of four years beginning at age 20 (an incredible 73,000 pills). Sometimes, one-on-one intervention–especially if timed right–does the job.
Tucker Chapman, who released a private conversation with his father, television bounty hunter Duane “Dog” Chapman, in which the reality star repeatedly used racial slurs in referring to his son’s black girlfriend. I included Chapman’s methamphetamine-addicted daughter Barbara Chapman, who was killed in a stolen vehicle being driven by a “friend” at 90 mph, as a “runner-up” for top story in the July 2006 issue of TAR. I wrote, “Duane has apparently been a clean born-again Christian for 27 years after having been arrested 18 times, the consequences of which included time in prison. He is a classic addict turnaround, having been responsible for some 6,000 captures of mostly practicing addicts acting badly.” I’m afraid I may have been wrong about the “classic addict turnaround” part–he may have been sober at one time, but he’s probably at best a serial relapser. The recording supports the accusations of another of his sons, Christopher Hecht, who accused his father in June of being “a violent, racist tyrant” who he blames for getting him hooked on drugs. (Well duh–you inherited his addiction. The fact that you were adopted by a nice non-addicted couple, Keith and Gloria Hecht, who told you that your biological dad was dead, couldn’t keep you from triggering addiction once you took that first drink, hit or snort.) A & E has pulled his TV show from the air indefinitely and Chapman said, “I am ashamed of myself and I pledge to do whatever I can to repair this damage I have caused.” Hey Duane, you can start by getting sober– this time for real–and staying that way.
And speaking of children, they’re never too young to act as disenablers–and they may be particularly effective ones. Two young children of addicts make the cut this month. The eight-year-old son of Paulette Lynn Spears, 33, who called 911 from her car twice and asked for help because he was scared by his mother’s driving, and a teenage daughter of Robert Montoya, 52, who made a frantic call to 911 while attempting to get her dad to pull off the road. Spears, who is related to Britney by blood alcohol only, has a 2003 conviction for DUI and Montoya, who was reportedly driving 100 mph with his three teenage daughters, has five previous arrests for DUI.
Note to family, friends and fans of the above: the benefit of the doubt is given by assuming alcoholism (they are either idiots and fundamentally rotten, or they are alcoholic/other drug addicts–which would explain the misbehaviors). If alcoholic, there is zero chance that behaviors, in the long run, will improve without sobriety. An essential prerequisite to sobriety is the cessation of enabling, allowing pain and crises to build. Thus far, many have done everything they can to protect the addict from the requisite pain, making these news events possible. The cure for alcoholism, consequential bad behaviors and, ultimately, tragedy, is simple: stop protecting