Don’t send a Veteran who’s an alcoholic to the VA. Send him to an AA meeting and rehab.
Veteran finds good jobs and gets fired…What might explain that?
Dear Doug:
My significant other, Allen, has no trouble finding good jobs. Then he gets depressed, drinks too much and gets fired, or decides the job isn’t right and quits. He spends his money wantonly and often gets evicted for non-payment of rent, ending up on my doorstep. I think Allen, who is a veteran and eligible for Social Security, needs more help than I can give him. What should I do?
Signed,
Baffled
. . . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might tell you that Allen needs professional help to learn why he sabotages his jobs and spends his rent money. They’d suggest that he head straight to his local VA for assistance and that you accept the fact you can’t change him.
What rot.
The idea that Allen suffers from the only disease that makes those nearby, including yourself, suffer to an even greater degree, explains everything you describe. It would explain the fact that he has no trouble getting good jobs (yes, he’s moving towards late-stage alcoholism, but he can still exude alcoholic charm when he needs to). It would explain his depression (alcohol is a depressant). It would explain involuntary layoffs (once he becomes employed, he acts badly on the job some of the time). It would explain quitting perfectly good jobs (his inflated ego tells him he’s too good for the job and he’ll have no trouble finding another). It would explain his profligate spending (his alcoholism impels him to appear well-off to others). It would explain blowing his rent money (he suffers from distortions of perception). He ends up on your doorstep (he knows that his enablers will always be there to bail him out).
It’s a very simple formula: if a theory explains everything, then that theory is likely true. Alcoholism explains Allen’s behaviors; therefore, Allen probably has alcoholism (since you say he drinks heavily, the odds are nearly 100%). If true, this is his primary disease, which means it must be treated before anything else. If you want to help, offer to drive him to an AA meeting. If he’s not ready, tell him to leave until he is and that you care about him too much to continue enabling.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, September 2, 2009.)