He had WHAT disease and spent everything?!
Dear Doug: Big Spender
Dear Doug:
My husband, who recently developed AIDS after being diagnosed with HIV several years ago, wants to ask his family and mine for money to offset the cost of treatment. He thinks family should always be willing to help each other financially, but I’m concerned we will appear greedy since we recently spent all our funds on a swimming pool and several other large purchases. What are your thoughts?
Signed,
Wanting to Keep Good Appearances
. . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might correctly respond that no one is obligated to help you out of financial difficulties, particularly if you haven’t been as frugal as you should have been. However, they might suggest asking anyway, while expressing regret that you didn’t save when you could have.
The truth of the matter is your husband’s judgment is so poor that he likely has alcoholism. If his AIDS resulted from promiscuous sex, the odds are greatly increased that he is an addict. If it resulted from dirty needles, there’s no question. Do not think that by now you would have identified addiction; many spouses take years, even decades, to begin to tentatively diagnose the disease in their mates. Former “Full House” star Jodie Sweetin (who played Stephanie Tanner on the sitcom, which ran from 1987 to 1995) admits she used meth for two years during her three year marriage to Los Angeles police officer Shaun Holguin, who she says “had no idea” of her addiction. I would suggest reading How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics: Using Behavioral Clues to Recognize Addiction in its Early Stages and, if you determine that he is an addict, draw a line in the sand and insist on a program of recovery. Only if and when he is in a program and tests clean would it be proper to ask family, friends, or your religious organization for help.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, April 21, 2007.)