How to screen roommates, so you don’t end up with a roommate from hell
A querier asks: “What are the best ways to pick a roommate? And what relationships make the best roommates? Are there certain personalities who should just live alone?”
The main concern in personal and professional relationships alike: might the person with whom I am becoming involved on a fairly intimate basis be an alcohol or other-drug addict (“alcoholic”)? If so, steer clear, because a non-addicted roommate could end up victim to theft of personal belongings, the sole payer or rent, or worse.
Roughly 85% of domestic violence results from alcohol or other-drug addiction (“alcoholism”) in one or the other or both. Severe non-violent strife is not very different; therefore, we can ascribe similar odds of alcoholism in such situations. If we can avoid alcoholics, we reduce the odds of insurmountable interpersonal strife by orders of magnitude.
What are the signs and symptoms that might become evident before becoming involved? As pointed out in my book, “How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics,” in many cases we can forget about obvious signs such as heavy drinking (although if seen, we should pass). The alcoholic will be on his or her best behavior when courting a new roommate (or lover or employer or landlord or…), so we need to look for behavioral clues. These revolve around signs of alcoholism-induced egomania.
Egomania impels the addict to wield power over others, which can take form in abuse, verbal or otherwise, or (perversely) charm. After all, what better way to get into one’s good graces–allowing the person to wield power capriciously later–than by charming the pants off someone? There may also be intense mood swings, blaming of others for one’s own problems, a “rules don’t apply to me” attitude, inconsiderate behaviors (for alcoholics, it’s all about “me”) and a sense of invincibility. They are also the world’s greatest liars when practicing, so be aware.