Can the “Sister from hell” find her way back because of a stable family life?
Dear Doug
Will she “find her way back” because of a stable family life?
Dear Doug:
I am 19, have wonderful parents and a 15-year-old sister from hell. She disobeys, lies, sneaks out and is flunking classes. Oh, and she does drugs.
My parents have tried grounding her to no avail. Even though they stopped giving her money out of fear she will buy drugs, she manages to procure them from her friends. After having been called by police to pick her up after being caught in a church parking lot drinking, my parents seem to be giving up. They have not punished her. No one in my family of seven seems to know what to do now that a million little punishments have failed.
Signed,
Concerned sister
. . . . .
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might tell you it’s hard to get through to someone who seems determined to rebel and mess up her life. They would suggest that her apparent stable family life will help her find her way back. They might suggest finding help and support by contacting Because I Love You at www.bily.org.
While it is important to maintain a stable family life in the face of your sister’s behaviors, such stability will no more help her “find her way back” than it prevented her from engaging in those behaviors in the first place. She is an addict. Possessing the biochemistry necessary for addiction makes stability, stature, intelligence, money and upbringing irrelevant to her recovery. If you think she’s too young to be an addict, consider actress Drew Barrymore who admits she drank addictively at the ripe age of eight. The last suggestion, however, is excellent (I will be speaking at the Northridge “Because I Love You” group on January 27, 2009). They might even suggest, as I would, that your sister needs a full-on intervention and 90-day (minimum) program at a residential rehabilitation facility.
(Source for story idea: Annie’s Mailbox, November 29, 2008.)