Accusations of molestation are often false. Here’s a classic–a sudden accusation by a 42-year-old who’s had all sort of “other” problems, which are likely rooted in alcoholism.
Daughter from hell
Dear Doug:
I have been a good mother to my 40-year-old daughter. Despite this, about a year ago she accused her 42-year-old brother, with whom I am very close, of having molested her when they were children. She tried to turn me against him, perhaps out of jealousy. Since I do not believe there was any abuse, ever, I refused.
She has had many problems since her father died, including depression and the commission of many mistakes. She has turned her children against me because I won’t take her side. Now she trashes me to anyone who will listen and is trying to turn the rest of the family against me. When I tried to talk to her reasonably about a week ago, she tore me to shreds in front of her kids. What should I do?
Signed,
Abused Mom
Dear Codependent,
Other columnists might suggest that your daughter’s depression, poor judgment and anger can be traced to her having been molested as a child and accuse you of not being a good mother. They might tell you to at least stand by her side, even if you can’t “take her side.” They’d give you the 24-hour hotline number for an incest network.
While it’s possible that such molestation occurred, it’s much more likely the accusations are the confabulated thinking of an alcoholic. Making demands as she has done, turning everyone against you, trashing you to others, depression and serial poor judgment are all manifestations of alcoholism. False accusations and other methods of stealing reputations have been used by addicts from time immemorial in a bid to wield power over others more worthy than themselves. To ignore this possibility (and I think, based on the behaviors described, compelling likelihood) perpetuates the extraordinary damage such accusations cause and is, therefore, a travesty of justice.
(Source for story idea: Ask Amy, June 2, 2011.)