Archive for May, 2005
"Christy" writes:
"I have a questions concerning HR Policy with companies and alcoholism. Northrop-Grumman in particular...and some specific questions concerning intervention. Are there legal limitations that prevent them from taking or pursuing action against an alcoholic? Why are they so lax?
I have reported an alcholic to the Northrop-Grumman company. They are just watching his behavior and of course he is smart enough not to drink on the job. He never misses work, etc. He drinks excessively while attending association meetings on Northrop-Grumman's behalf after hours. This is part of his "job".
I have read your book on the Myths of Alcoholism, and can't say enough how much I have agreed with your conclusions. ...
Atheism, recovery and a higher power
John asks: "I am a Certified DUI Counselor, and a Registered Addiction Specialist, and am curious as to what your perspective is on the "spirituality"(i.e. RELIGION!) component is with regards to "recovering" addicts/alcoholics, and if such a "basis" should be endorsed/incorporated into an addict's/alcoholic's recovery? Also, have you done any research with atheist/agnostic alcoholics (I personally have never met one!), (you may be able to find them at: "secularsobriety.org"), and if so, what have you found out? I am interested in becoming employed in the "addiction/recovery" field FULL-TIME, but am finding it beyond diffucult given the insane prejudice, and predominance of 12-Step (i.e. "spirituality"/religion based programs)."
The acceptance of a higher power is essential to sobriety. The reason is, ...
Another nice accolade
Carol writes: "I wanted to share with you that I am sharing your message on the
addiction of drinking and have recommended your book to many. I am
hearing so many stories from friends that are struggling with family
members that have horrible moods because of drinking. I'll begin to start
asking your questions and they are amazed at how I would know the behavior.
I give you and your book all the credit. Thank you for a strong message
that is getting through."
Africa, Michael Moore and Steven Wolfram
Daniel writes: "Just finished the book. Definitely worth the money and the time to read it! I'm certainly picking up on the signs you mention in other people. I suspect that my cousin must have inhereted the alcoholism that runs in my family now. I was particularly intrigued by the theory that political turmoil in Africa could be explained by alcoholism. That's the first plausable explanation I've ever read to explain why Africa remains in turmoil despite having been freed of colonial rule long ago. I also liked the last chapter with the theory on how acceptance of powerlessness over events and other people leads to less worry and more creativity.
Incedentally, I am surprised that Michael ...
A DUI rings the bell
Kathryn writes: "hi have recently got a DWI, and i would really like to stop driving unde the influence, if you could help me"
Simple, Kathryn: attend AA. Recovering alcoholics mostly attest to it, and especially to "90 meetings in 90 days."
Hopefully, you'll get sober before you kill or seriously injure someone.
And, tell your friends and family to read my books--they are for them, not for you, so that the next time they are ready to enable your poor behaviors, they will think twice--and stop.
Good luck Kathryn.
Nice accolade
Frank writes: "I think you are performing a great service, and I commend you and thank you for it.
I'll keep passing the word along to others about you and your books. And I will be reading your newsletter and other online material."
Charles Dickens, alcoholic?
Tracy writes: "Many thanks for this work and this site. You have touched my heart. Just to note that both Charles Dickens and "Mark Twain" were substantially changed in their later years. Although I know less about the life of Twain, I know Dickens became obsessed with a young woman in in latter years, and his writing and subject matter became more and more dark and cynical. In his last, unfinished novel, opium addiction is treated is a loathing/obsessive way with suggests personal experience."
I asked Tracy, What in the world are you saying about Dickens and Twain? They were addicts?
She responded: "You had reviewed some of the signs of addiction. I have, in the course ...
Great kid, drunk at homecoming–what to do?
Bob writes: "I have a 16 yr old that continues to struggle with pot and alcohol. One yr ago he went to hazelden rehab in Minnesota and relapsed 3 months after his return. he was recently thrown out of his 2nd high school due to being drunk at homecoming. He is now in AA. He is a bright, good looking healthy guy that his mother and i love dearly. we are afraid he will die if this behavior continues. Any suggestions as to handle our situation would be appreciated."
As I repeatedly emphasize in my books (which give you the knowledge and understanding to have the wherewithal to do this), uncompromising tough love is required.
As should be ...
Coerced abstinence did not precede notice of divorce
Dennis writes: "After 20 years of drinking and 12 years of marriage I got the dreaded, "I don't love you anymore and I want a divorce," notice. Heratbroken, I finally saw that my drinking, in fact, WAS that bad after all. That led me to a 'fellowship of men and women' which, to date, has resulted in 25+ years of continuous sobriety. I strngly support the "tough love" concept espoused here and wish we could get state legislatures to pass laws regulating drunk drivers on that principle."
I only wish we could get cops to test every traffic violator for DUI. They think they can spot one by talking with one--but, as you and I know, they often cannot.
Too bad she ...
Did my son inherit my alcoholism?
Dot writes: "Just caught the tail end of your interview on this morning's radio. Watching my son and daughter in law's marriage go down the tubes with her doing everything she can think of to hold on to it. His father(my x-husband is an alcoholic, so was his grandfather and grandmother on his father's side alcholic along with two brothers. I have been in a recovery for 18 years looking at all my family history disfunction along with my own. I have been looking at my son's possible male menopause but now thinking back to my own recovery lessons, I am seeing early stages of alcoholism. If I even mention alcoholish to my children they ...
Is marijuana addiction worse than the others?
Dan writes: " Is regular marajuana use sufficent proof of drug addiction, in conjuction with the irresponsible and manipulative behaviors typical of addiction? I have read elsewhere that marajuana is not an addictive drug, but I have a friend I strongly suspect, based on what I learned in PreventTragedy, to be some kind of drug addict and marajuana is the only thing I can pin him on so far. (I have just ordered "Drugs, Drunks, and Debits" from Amazon, so if this is discussed in the book and you are too busy to discuss it here, I will know in a couple weeks.)
P.S. Man, am I dumb! I've been subscribed to that newsletter since ...
Others don’t see ex-husband’s alcoholism
Jan writes: "I was married to a "Hidden Alcoholic" for nearly 28 years. Now divorced I am still recovering and others who know him cannot understand or validate the signs that I eventually saw and experienced with my ex-husband.
While your website does offer other links and resources, Mr. Thorborn's information does reveal that if police officers and experts in the field of abuse often do not see the early warning signs, are there sources which regard Mr. Thorburn's work highly and adopt his views either for counseling or instructing the public?
Though I have adult sons, I could still see them riding in the car while my ex-husband continues to drive. And though I will ask them to read ...
Obesity, rudeness and alcoholism
Mike M. writes:
"have you given any thought to obesity/overeating as a form of addiction? A few people in my life have had a real problem with this, and it affected their personalities in narcissistic ways similar to what you describe. Moreover, the disease is eventually fatal unless the afflicted person finds a path to remission/recovery. The techniques used in Overeaters Anonymous are based on Alcoholics Anonymous because of the similarities.
I think it might be jumping to conclusions to assume addiction is necessarily the explanation for rude behavior. Sometimes just youth and immaturity could be a decent explanation. Or a very elderly person who's started to lose it. In the most ...
Author Ann Rule write about it, but doesn’t “get it”
I wrote the following and received a response, which follows. My original post is on her guest book at www.AnnRules.com page 173 in the current guest book, which will be Guest Book 28 (yes, she is popular).
"Comments by Doug Thorburn on Monday, January 10, 2005 at 17:46 IP Logged
Dear Ms. Rule,
Numerous behavioral indications of alcohol and other drug addiction for Allen Blackthorne are cited in Every Breath You Take, including power-seeking misbehaviors ranging from pathological lying to manipulative charm. There are at least two dozen other behavioral symptoms, including serial adultery, domestic violence, telephonitis and manic mood swings. Blackthorne was also the child of two alcoholics, which dramatically increases the odds of inheriting the disease. Yet, you ...
Recording insane behaviors–when can this be done?
I wrote: "Alcoholism and its symptomatic behaviors are everyone's business. All-too-often, the truth surfaces after tragedy has occurred. Alcoholics are the world's greatest salesmen and frequently make innocent people appear guilty. Talk to the police, dig into his past to see whether he can be held accountable for prior crimes and, while avoiding contact, record every conversation with him that you can."
A friend, Nicky, wrote: "This may be unfortunate advice. It is illegal to record electronically a conversation in California unless all parties to the conversation agree or at least one party agrees and a beep tone is emitted every few secs. Recordings illegally obtained would be excluded from evidence and the person doing the recordings could also face prosecution. ...
Is the crime inspired by song lyrics–or alcoholism?
Alcoholic Myth-of-the-Month: Song lyrics inspired the crime.
"Nearly a decade ago, three San Luis Obispo [California] youths pleaded guilty to killing a 15-year-old girl, saying [heavy metal rock band] Slayer's songs incited them to commit the crime."
So said the report on the conviction of Alfonso Ignacio Morales for murdering four members of a Whittier, California family, a daughter of which had spurned his romantic advances. The day of the killing, Morales was wearing a Slayer T-shirt. The report says the motive behind the massacre may never be known.
Readers of my books know that the odds of alcohol or other drug addiction in a convicted felon are at least 80%. While mass or serial murderers about whom biographies have been written can ...
Alcoholism and brazen, well-plotted acts
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviors
Addicts commit the most brazen crimes
"HOUSE ARREST: For nearly three months, people noticed two men dismantling a vacant house in Lindale, Texas. Even the local cops. "We wondered why it was taking so long, rather than just bulldoze it," says Smith County Constable Dennis Taylor. No one thought anything of it since it was right next to two commercial construction projects. But then Taylor got a report of a stolen house. "I said, 'Is it a trailer house, ma'am?"' Taylor says. "She said, 'No, it's a brick house.' I said, 'What?" He quickly put one and one together and arrested the two, Brandon Parmer, 29, and Darrell Maxfield, 44, who confessed to selling the parts ...
“We don’t know our son”
Dear Doug: Our 18-year old has become a different person from the one we know and love
Dear Doug:
Our 18-year-old daughter has been lying, sneaking out at night and smoking dope. She swears and yells at me and calls me names. While she was once a straight-A student, if she graduates it will be due to my helping her with schoolwork.
We tried taking away privileges. When that didn't work, we tried easing up. That didn't work either. We have even let her take the consequences of her bad behaviors. She seems immune from pain.
We are thinking of kicking her out, but are afraid that will further alienate her and make her even more dependent on her fellow addicts. Please ...
1993’s “Falling Down” and alcoholism as the likely driving force behind insanity
Movie Review: "Falling Down:" unexplained craziness - unless we assume alcoholism
Directed by Joel Schumacher
Starring Michael Douglas as "D-FENS," Barbara Hershey as his ex-wife, Tuesday Weld as his mother and Robert Duvall in a wonderful role as the endearing Detective Prendergast.
"Falling Down" is a very amusing black comedy, with Michael Douglas playing a recently fired defense worker known by his license plate moniker, D-FENS. Stuck in a monumental traffic jam, D-FENS angrily abandons his car and begins walking to his destination: his ex-wife's home, to give his little girl a birthday gift.
Along the way, he smashes up a Korean shopowner's store, stands up to gang members in a style we mere mortals have only dreamed, kills a Nazi, shoots up a ...
Anna Ayala, a finger, Wendy’s and alcoholic scheming
Could addiction be at the root of giving the finger to Wendy's?
Top Story: Employees, shareholders and franchisees suffer financial abuse, costing millions. Was it precipitated by addiction?
When Anna Ayala, 39, first accused Wendy's of serving her a finger in a bowl of chili, it didn't dawn on too many that she might be giving Wendy's the finger in a style only an addict could conjure up. As evidenced from the decline in sales at a number of Wendy's restaurants in the San Jose area where the incident occurred, many people believed her tale. Judy Johnson, the addict who accused the Buckey family of heinous - and on their face, impossible - crimes against children at the McMartin pre-school in ...
Was he brave, crazy–or alcoholic?
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviors
Another Survivor; another alcoholic
Tony J. Young would do anything to get back his pride and joy, a Ford Mustang. It had been stolen, with everything stripped from the chrome rims to the $3,500 stereo. Just two months later, it was stolen again, but this time he saw it pull up to a stop sign with the thief behind the wheel. Young asked the driver to get out, but the thief pressed the pedal to the metal. Incredibly, Young jumped on the trunk, hanging on at speeds up to 80 mph with his back on the rear windshield and one hand on the rear spoiler. In one of the most bizarre calls emergency dispatchers had ever ...
Jeff Weise, the Red Lake Indian Reservation, a school shooting and alcoholism
Alcoholic Myth-of-the-Month: Anything but alcoholism
"Family wonders if Prozac led to shootingâ€
So said the headline describing the "sleepless search for answers" by the family of Jeff Weise, the teen who killed nine at his school in Red Lake, Minnesota, and then himself. They are wondering about the drugs prescribed for Weise's depression.
While we cannot rule out the possibility that Prozac can lead to erratic and dangerous behaviors, there is far more obvious cause. Most massacres have been fueled by alcohol and other drugs. The massacre of the Nepalese Royal Family in 2001, which set off several days of rioting in the Himalayan kingdom, was fueled by a cocaine and alcohol binge by Crown Prince Dipendra. The Columbine High School massacre, reportedly ...
Trying to reason–and then realizing, he’s an alcoholic
Dear Doug: Out of control ex-employee
Dear Doug:
When I recently terminated an employee, he suddenly became very hostile. When I asked hm to calm down, he screamed and hurled insults. I am so shaken up by this I worry about a recurrence in future terminations. What could I have done to set the stage for a calmer parting of the ways?
Signed, Terminator
. . . . . .
Dear Terminator,
Other columnists might point out that storms often begin after being asked to calm down. They may suggest that you maintain your composure and tell the departing employee that any discussion is over if the screaming doesn't stop immediately, and that you should walk out and seek help from other staff if necessary. ...
“The Upside of Anger” reverses cause and effect
"The Upside of Anger:" Does anger cause alcoholism, or does alcoholism cause anger?
Movie Review: Reviewers describe Joan Allen's character Terry Wolfmeyer in "The Upside of Anger" as "furious," "rage fuelled" and a "control freak." They also call her a "lush" and one stewing "in a home brew of bile and vodka." Although not as anger-fuelled as many alcoholics (though snappy, nasty and sardonic, there's little outright screaming), for once the reviewers get it partly right. However, they don't seem to grasp cause and effect in attributing the behaviors to alcoholism. Nor does the movie itself, with the narration describing her as the nicest person anyone ever knew until anger turned her into a sad and bitter woman. The role ...
Richard Hatch, tax fraud and alcoholism
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What could "Survivor" winner Richard Hatch be thinking?
Top Story: Connecting the dots from alcoholism to income tax fraud.
The commission of fraud is a criminal act in which the perpetrator wields power over others through deceit and guile. Since over 80% of criminals are alcohol and other drug addicts, this one behavioral clue ups the odds of alcoholism from our starting point of 10%, where we know nothing about the person, to at least 80%. The larger the target, the greater potential for ego inflation. The commission of income tax fraud is not, then, just another form of deception. An attempt to prove that one is more powerful than a government - especially the U.S. Government - is a particularly ...
Alcoholism at a root of evil
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviors
"Evil spirits" or "shots of spirits"?
Story from "This Is True" by Randy Cassingham, with his "tagline."
SPIRITED OFFENSE: Police in Merrillville, Ind., arrested Jerry L. Jongsma, 55, for criminal recklessness after, they say, he admitted firing a gun outside his motel room. Jongsma allegedly told officers he was aiming at "evil spirits" who were trying to "suck blood from him." (Munster Times)...Leave it to small town cops to get everything wrong: he said he was taking "shots"of "spirits" which made him "evil," as reflected in his "blood alcohol" level.
Randy, with his ingenious tagline, touches upon a truth that few see clearly: heavy (addictive) use of alcohol causes misbehaviors. In fact, alcohol and other drug addiction is ...
The Highly Successful Cocaine Addict
Dear Doug: I know he's a drug addict, but...
Dear Doug:
My husband of six years, Tony, can be a great companion and provider. He is not only successful at his regular job, but also helps at home with chores and is terrific with my fifteen-year-old son. The problem is, Tony is a cocaine addict, which I had no idea of before we married.
While I want to help him deal with his 20-year problem, I sometimes wonder if I should just walk away. The confusion stems from the fact that while during his occasional binges our family life is disrupted, at other times Tony is wonderful. Still, I'm concerned that he does more harm than good for my son.
Signed, Occasionally ...
“Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas” and in the mind of Hunter S. Thompson
Fear and Loathing in the Mind of an Addict
Movie Review: Counterculture "journalist" Hunter S. Thompson, who committed suicide at age 67 in February 2005, provides a classic example not so much of all-too obvious addiction, but more so of the enabling and codependency of the media elite. He was lionized, as were so many addicts before him, a hero. When he submitted disorganized notes for an article in Scanlan's magazine that focused more on himself than on the purported subject of his article, the 1970 Kentucky Derby, his notes were published intact. Fellow journalists almost universally acclaimed the resulting piece, one of whom termed his style "Gonzo" journalism. Though nobody seems to know exactly what that means, it is ...
Haidl Gang Rape trial–a classic case of addiction filling the court room
The Haidl gang-rape trial: addicts and enablers fill the courtroom
Top Story: Who is most guilty -- Gregory Haidl, Don Haidl, Jane Doe or Jeffrey I. Barke, M.D.?
In the criminal justice system, addict is often pitted against addict. The Orange County, California Haidl gang rape re-trial is yet another in a long list of examples. The testimony shows that defendants and plaintiff alike appear to biochemically process psychotropic drugs in a way that cause them to engage in destructive behaviors, some of the time. Gregory Haidl, Keith Spann and Kyle Nachreiner, as well as the alleged victim "Jane Doe" are, by this definition of addiction, all likely addicts.
Haidl is the most obvious of these. Aside from drinking heavily before the ...
Smoking as an indicator of much worse
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviors
Smoking as an early-warning sign
Stories from "This Is True" by Randy Cassingham, with his "tagline."
THE DANGERS OF SMOKING: When a woman stepped up to the clerk at a gas station in Washington, D.C. asking to buy some cigarettes, he asked to see her I.D. to check her age. She said she didn't have any, so the clerk refused the sale. The woman then used her cigarette lighter to set fire to several gas pumps. Firefighters put the flames out before the tank caught fire, but the woman escaped. (AP) ...Either way, she wanted to see smoke.
THE DANGERS OF SMOKING II: A man shoplifted three cartons of cigarettes from a convenience store in Lake Station, Ind. ...
Two to four drinks per day is NOT addiction
Alcoholic Myth-of-the-Month: How much is too much?
"Researchers considered any man who averaged more than two drinks per day or more than four drinks per occasion to be an excessive drinker. For women it was more than one drink per day or more than three drinks per occasion."
So said The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in a recent study, estimating that 35,000 people in 2001 died from disease linked to drinking too much alcohol. They concluded that "these results emphasize the importance of adopting effective strategies to reduce excessive drinking..."
Studies such as these not only create confusion in the mind of the non-alcoholic, but also cause the uninitiated to take their eye off the ball. By the time physical diseases ...
Undisciplined step-son is a likely addict
Dear Doug: Undisciplined son from a prior marriage
Dear Doug:
My wife and I have been married five years in what is for both of us a second marriage. Things have been good, except for problems created by her undisciplined 16-year old son who lives with us most of the time. Due to the fact that she never sticks with her weak attempts at discipline, the stress has been so great I have filed for divorce. While we love each other very much, we cannot live together. Is it ok to date your ex-spouse?
Signed, Wanna-Be Step-Dad
. . . . . .
Dear Wanna-Be,
Other columnists might suggest that you certainly can date your ex- or, for that matter, maintain separate households while married ...
“Sideways”–a typical “alcoholic” movie
Sideways - fluff with damaged goods
Movie Review: With five Academy Award nominations, L.A. Times reviewer Kenneth Turan writes that Director Alexander Payne's Sideways "turns seven days with scoundrels Miles and Jack (Paul Giamatti and Thomas Haden Church) into a completely satisfying movie that quietly, gently blows you away." Turan says "the film brings emotional reality to a consistently amusing character comedy, making it something to be cherished." How true for those who enjoy seeing a couple of would-be drunks on a last binge before one is due to be married - and if you don't mind the nagging suspicion that the bingeing and prowling doesn't end at the altar.
Miles Raymond is a middle-school English teacher suffering from at least ...
Michael Jackson and pharmaceutical drugs
Michael Jackson: could addiction to pharmaceutical drugs explain the behaviors?
Top Story: Is Michael Jackson capable of having committed the crime of which he is accused?
The trial of Michael Jackson, the extraordinary entertainer who began a bizarre transformation in appearance and behaviors some two decades ago, has begun. It would be shocking that someone who seems so gentle, caring and concerned for the welfare of children could be accused of committing heinous acts of child abuse, were it not for the role that alcoholism may have played throughout Jackson's life.
Alcoholism takes its toll gradually. However, in the case of entertainers and others in the public eye, we need to keep in mind Lucy Barry Robe's admonition that the higher ...
Disabled drunk
Amazing Antics: Stories of Alcoholism-Driven Behaviors
Can someone be found guilty of DUI for driving a wheelchair while drunk?
The St. Petersburg Times ("Woman's DUI case questions definition of vehicle" by Duane Bourne, December 14, 2004) reported that Cynthia Christensen was barely on the road when she collided with a passing Ford minivan. Christensen, 45, who suffers from degenerative disc disease, osteoarthritis and scoliosis, was charged with DUI after a blood test showed her blood alcohol level was .12 per cent. She had been drinking beer when she rolled into the front yard of her home and, in an attempt to get unstuck out of fine sand, accelerated too quickly, hopping a 4-inch lip onto the street.
The problem is, nobody ...
Blaming the drug, rather than the person on the drug
Alcoholic Myth-of-the-Month: "It's the drugs' fault"
"All of the problems I have had are because of my granddaughter's friends, her drug-using friends....It's not her fault; it's the people who sold drugs because they weren't taken off the street."
So said Jack Whittaker, who was the winner of the biggest undivided lottery in U.S. history two years ago with a $113 million lump sum, when his only granddaughter, Brandi Bragg, 17, was recently found dead of a drug overdose.
Whittaker and others said Brandi's instant access to great wealth brought her new friends and dangerous "habits." Yet, Whittaker failed to take into account his own behaviors and genes, along with the warning signs of inherited "habits."
Whittaker, arrested twice in the past ...
A Gentleman and Abuser
Dear Doug: A gentleman and abuser
Dear Doug,
I have been married for three years to an admired member of the community who appears to others to be the consummate gentleman. While the compliments and attention are unending in public, he is abusive to my five children and me in private. He yells at the kids over nothing, monitors my phone calls, hides tape recorders in my car, hacks into my email and harasses me constantly to come inside when talking with my (female) neighbors.
When I finally got him to go for counseling, he smoothly told the counselor exactly what he wanted to hear. After filing a protective order against him for assault and battery, my children and I ...
Ann Rule’s true crime story on the Belush murder: “Every Breath You Take”
Every Breath You Take: A True Story of Obsession, Revenge, and Murder by Ann Rule
Book Review: (A "heads-up:" this is a long review, but will be well worth your reading. My intent is to tell the story as it should be told. Students of alcoholism may wish to compare the behavioral clues with those in the on-line Thorburn Substance Addiction Recognition Indicator or in the new Indicator in the appendix of How to Spot Hidden Alcoholics. I'll make up for it with far shorter reviews, probably of movies, for the next three months, since I'll be very busy during tax season.)
While true-crime writer Ann Rule has written numerous biographical accounts of murder, after reading an article by ...
Robert Blake, alcoholic
Robert Blake, alcoholic
Top Story: Could actor Robert Blake have had Bonny Lee Bakley murdered?
The trial of Emmy-winning actor Robert Blake, star of the 1970s hit series "Baretta," began in late December. Despite the fact that Blake is a known alcoholic, many commentators are reluctant to accept the possibility that he may be guilty of hiring someone else to murder his wife, Bonny Lee Bakley. While a court of law needs to make this determination, we are certainly entitled to conclude in our own minds that he may have committed this nefarious deed.
Blake's mother divorced his alcoholic father at a young age and remarried a man who, Blake claims, was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive. This apparently ...